Giving from the HEART:
Teaching Children to Show LOVE

Teaching children how to show their love and affection for family and friends can be a touchy subject in a household. Very young children are quick to show affection with kisses, hugs, and impromptu gifts of flowers, artwork, and treasures such as a favorite rock, leaf or bug. However, children also learn at a young age that it is not appropriate to kiss or hug everyone and they begin to discriminate with whom and when, they will be affectionate (as any parent who has had to force their child to ‘give Grandma a hug’ knows). How then, as children mature, do they learn to show affection and love appropriately?

As parents, you are your child’s first and most important teacher. Children learn and model good and bad behaviors from you and other family members. From an early age, it is important to decide and model for your children values, kindness and the behaviors you feel are important in a person and in your family. The beauty of showing love and affection, is that we all feel these emotions each day, so there are many opportunities to model caring and loving interactions. In addition, as parents you can evaluate and change the ways you show love, to give your children examples of the many ways we show we love and care for each other daily.

Special holidays, birthdays, and family celebrations are a time when it is normal and logical to give gifts and cards. However, too often holidays and celebrations are commercially motivated and hyped to excess. Children are bombarded with commercialism and the ‘I want…’, ‘I’m going to get…’, ‘I have to have the latest toy, clothing, shoes, etc.’ me, me, me, attitude, can become the central theme of the event.

Instead, as an option to buying into the ‘Hallmark’ buying frenzy, you can help your children learn the value of Giving from the Heart. Giving from the Heart simply means giving of yourself, your time, talents, and love, really thinking about the person and what will make them happy. The following are just a few ways to help your family transition into Giving from the Heart. Your families special circumstances, heritage and cultures will also provide many ways to give of yourselves.

• Adjust your Attitude For the best success, it may be necessary for you to change the way you feel and think about demonstrating your love. Yes, we all want to give our children the best, more than we had as children, but is it always wise to give in and give our children everything and to remove all disappointments? By giving in, you may be teaching your child that you say ‘I love you’ by giving tangible items and store bought gifts. That running to the store and buying a gift is the best way to show you love someone. Commit to standing firm in your concern for your families health and happiness, by modeling caring for what is best for your family. Model concern for friends, family, and neighbors, by giving of your time and attention rather than a quick store bought fix.
   
• At Home Begin modeling Giving from the Heart, in your home and family daily. Explain why you prepare your mates or your child’s favorite meals…because you love them and it makes them happy. Why you help one another in a family…because we love each other. Why you bake special scones for Grandpa…he likes them and Grandma used to make them-he misses Grandma and this makes him feel better. Why Dad hosts an annual barbecue for friends and family…he cares about them. Why you both coach the team… and on and on.
   
• Holidays and Special Events Try out your talents and encourage your children to do the same. For special events, make something for the recipients instead of going to the mall and buying. Have your children make handmade Valentines, gifts for Mother’s and Father’s Day, Christmas or Hanukkah gifts, Birthday presents for family members, drawings or other artwork to take to friends and family in hospitals or convalescent homes. Older children who may not be into arts or crafts can prepare coupon book gifts. Giving of their time and talents, such as; three car washes, mowing Grandma’s lawn, twelve months of visiting Grandpa at his home, a day of baking with Grandma, helping sister with homework, or helping out with any task around the house.
   
• Friends and Family Encourage family and friends to support you in helping your child understand the art of giving and loving, by not overwhelming them with too many presents and the latest toy or gadget. Encourage them instead to spend quality time with your children doing a fun or educational activity, teaching them a skill or hobby. Homemade coupons from family are welcome too; if Grandma plays the piano a coupon for piano lessons, Uncle to play ball monthly, Dad to teach them how to skate, a cousin to play dress-up for an afternoon, etc.
   
• Special Friends When your child wants to give something to a friend, encourage them to talk about that person, their likes and dislikes and what they like to do. Then help your child think of something appropriate to make or a coupon to give that person. Even at birthday parties your child can get creative with a handmade coupon wrapped in a great box, for a day for two at a matinee movie, skating, or arcade games complete with a snack and a ride. This simple gift can be a big hit – because it came from the heart, with thought and caring of what that person likes and what will make them happy to do together with a true friend.

These are just a few of the ways you can get into Giving from the Heart and model caring and loving for your children. Living with caring and loving people in our daily lives, will help your child to understand that giving a store bought present isn’t the only or the best way to say I love you.

by Alix Hall