All right admit it, you have secret fantasies.   We know you do, because we have them too.  Yours may even look like this...Your home is spotless and decorated beautifully.  Soft music playing, candles lit, delicious odors wafting through the house; your children dressed and cooperating like perfect siblings.  You are calm and serene in YOUR new outfit, the doorbell rings, your guests have arrived right on time...or...You packed and no one forgot a thing, you leave on time, the children play happily in the car, train, plane or bus.  No complaining, no one has said those four words, are we there yet?  You arrive, on time of course, over the river and through the woods.  Relatives greet you happily...

Wake up now, it's that time again.  Time for the marathon of cooking, cleaning, shopping,visiting, entertaining and traveling.  If you are not the Martha Stewart of the neighborhood (and who is?) but a working, busy parent, your holidays probably don't look like either of these fantasies.  More like a nightmare.  The house is a disaster, you are rushing around, running late, your kids are a mess and not cooperating, you are over worked, over tired and overwhelmed.  Certainly not ready for guests or a trip.   If just the thought of another hectic holiday or long trip with your kids sends you scrambling for games and gimmicks to keep your children interested and occupied for as long as possible, here's help.

At Home

When hosting get togethers at your home, there are many ways to involve the children.  The holidays are a hectic time, but it is important to enjoy yourself and your children as much as possible.   It's tempting to try and do it all; that is a mistake.  Not only do you exhaust yourself but you miss opportunities for your child to participate in the fun and contribute to the workings of the family.  Giving your children choices of jobs that are age appropriate will allow them to take responsibility for a task and to feel the pride involved in a job well done, and they will succeed.  A gentle reminder that all family members need to work together--that they can choose the job or you will choose one for them--helps for those who might resist cooperating.

Cooking and Cleaning

Even very young children can be given responsibilities and jobs to help with smooth entertaining.  A 3-year-old can tear lettuce for the salad, cut carrots, celery and zucchini (on a flat surface with a serrated dinner knife), mix the dips and fill bowls with chips or crackers.  A 4 or 5-year-old can fill ice buckets, butter bread, slice soft cheese, set the table and clean and cut veggies for cooking.  An older child might do any of those jobs, as well as masking potatoes, preparing the breads, choosing appropriate music and setting up tapes or CD's.  The entire family can help bake and decorate cookies, cakes and pies.

Being part of a family means everyone should be involved in the fun and the work.  Cleaning their rooms is standard for children, however, they can also vacuum, dust, clean glass, bring in firewood, unload groceries, fold and put away laundry, brush the dog or cat, sweep the porch, rake leaves, etc.  Older children can be the "photographer" responsible for photos and a video of the party to send to relatives and friends at holiday time.  If you make it a game time, then work flies.  By giving children the chance to experience tasks and challenges appropriate to their ages, they are able to gain new skills; a strong sense of self and of their place in the family.

Family Traditions

Establish your own family traditions.  The memories you are making with your children will outlast any "fantasy holiday" you can imagine.  Special decorations, treats and gifts made by your children will be cherished by friends and relatives.  If your family regularly helps out at a food closet or shelter, great!  This tradition also enhances the child;s sense of community.  Placing luminatias at the entrance of your home, can become a festive holiday tradition.  The foods you prepare and the rituals your family observes are unique to your family, and valuable traditions.

The house and decorations may not be perfectly arranged or the food cut in identical slices but these minor problems can be easily overlooked.  When your child contributes they will feel they are an important part of the family and take pride in their contributions.  It is much more productive than simply playing or watching TV while you do all the work.

Traveling Tips

For the next trip on your agenda, perhaps that two hour flight or hour-hour drive to grandpa and grandma's, start out prepared.  Getting there can be more fun.  It is important to look at the time spent traveling as an opportunity for fun for the whole family.  During all trips, pack a large purse, backpack or bag with healthy snacks, small quiet toys, books, a change of clothes, wet wipes, etc.  Travel games can be made out of just about anything.  Word games such as, "I'm thinking...," "Who am I...," and "On a dark and stormy night..." promote vocabulary and thinking skills.   Compact travel games help pass the time for young and old.  Adding a few good games to your collection may be worth hours of entertainment.  The Rand McNalley Fun Finder ($4.95), is a booklet that provides a variety of travel games and comes with a special marker for wipe off.  Klutz Press offers Glove Compartment Games ($4.95), full of games to play while traveling.  both of these fold and will fit in the glove box or a tote.  Kluts Press also has a great kit called the Backseat Survival Kit.   This kit comes complete with accessories and game pieces for the enclosed games, songs, mystery adventures, puzzles and more.  Also, toy makers provide compact travel versions of many popular games such a Boggle, Uno, Yahtzee, checkers or chess.  Even of a game is not appropriate for plane or car trips, it may be perfect for rest stops or meal breaks, where  your children can play and release energy.

Flying the Friendly Skies

Traveling with children can be enjoyable if your are prepared.  Make reservations and reserve seating as early as possible.  On many airlines, children under 2 fly free.  You nay request bulkhead seats, as they provide more legroom and playing room for a young child.  You may also request the two seats furthest apart (an aisle and a window) leaving the middle open if the flight is not sold out.  If you must change planes at a layover, call the airport in advance and ask for a gate-to-gate help with baggage and children.

Talk with your child about your entertaining and travel plans, what they should expect and what will happen at your destination.  Children are more flexible and able to handle transitions if they understand the plan.

Finally, give lots of time for unwinding after a party or trip.  Children are active and on supercharge during holidays, traveling, and often, entertaining.  Planning ahead and treating the event as an adventure from your child's point of view will prove successful and you may even enjoy yourself.

by Alix Hall